...So, I was contently watching my favorite show, Project Runway, when I found myself in tears...
What brought me to tears was when one of the designers, Korto, said that she was forced to leave Africa when she was a young girl. She stated what I have felt in the core of my being since I was 6 years old...but never had voiced.. "something dies in you when you're taken away from your homeland".
I have felt this void and death in my soul all my life. You see, I was born in Southern Spain, the youngest of three children. Due to the death of my Mother, all three of us were put in an orphanage when I was four. After 2 years, I was adopted by an American couple... but my brother and sister were not. They were taken out soon after I left, to live with my Father and Stepmother. I was taken to Portugal to live for a year until the paperwork was completed for my adoption. A new country, new language, new home with unfamiliar faces. I felt like my whole family had died... like a fish out of water.
Soon I was flying over the Atlantic Ocean hundreds of miles from my homeland to live in Florida and meet my new parents, live in a new country, learn a new language, once again ... and no familiar faces. I don't mean to sound ungrateful... I was very lucky to be "the chosen one", but at the same time I felt like the biggest loser. Being ripped from my roots was such a painful experience. My new parents were very good to me, and I grew to love them, but nothing could take away that aching that I had for my Father and siblings and my very humble home , so far away. I remember when I first came to the U.S. I would try to find the tallest tree and wish that I could climb to the top of it , so I could try to "see" my home town in Spain.
Well, the years went by and I became entrenched in being the only child and living the American Dream. Am I sorry that this happened to me? Yes... No... I don't know. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if my Mother had not ignored the cut on her leg that ended her life. The grown up part of me realizes that life is unpredictable and at any moment can take a wicked turn. The child in me still mourns the life that I never got to experience as a Spaniard, full of family and rich in culture. What would I be doing right now? Oh, if only we could live in a parallel universe..... Would I trade my life for the one I never got to experience?....OH, HECK NO !! I have the perfect life right now. I couldn't ask for more. My knight in shining armor to love me and protect me, my two beautiful, loving and intelligent daughters, a home that I would never have dared to dream of... truly blessed beyond belief.... and let's not forget Duchess!
....But there's still that melancholy little girl inside, looking for a tall tree to climb... trying to see my homeland...
I am a wife to the best husband in the world, mom of 2 gorgeous daughters, both attending dental school and one beautiful little Yorkie, Duchess. I am a Santa Maker, I design and create unique hand sculpted Father Christmas figures. I volunteer for Meals on Wheels. I love interior decorating and doing makeovers on furniture.
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